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Comfort Zone Expansion for Social Interactions

Theory and varying difficulties of exercises.


Contents


Theory

Comfort zone expansion (CoZE) was originally conceived by CFAR and is outlined extensively in their handbook. Duncan Sabien has also ported the chapter to LessWrong.

CoZE works by venturing outside of one's comfort zone in small increments, increasing the range by a bit each time. Consistent and deliberate practice over long periods will work, so long as each progression is "mastered" and there is deliberateness in going to the next progression.

The CoZE algorithm is as follows:

  1. Choose an experience that you'd like to explore
    • Something that's outside of the set of things you usually do
    • Something you normally feel somewhat blocked from doing
    • Something you think could be a positive or freeing or enjoyable new experience—something with a yum factor
  2. Prepare to accept all worlds
    • Concretely visualize a future in which you still do not partake of this particular experience, and trust that if you choose this world, it's because you have good reasons not to
    • Concretely visualize a future in which you feel free to partake of this particular experience, and trust that if you choose this world, it's because it's a world in which that's okay
    • Make sure that both worlds feel comfortable and possible. If they don't, stop; you’re not properly oriented for CoZE.
  3. Devise an experiment
    • Think of a small, safe way to engage with the experience—something that will allow you to "taste" it without locking you into anything or throwing you off-balance
  4. Actually try it
    • Check whether your experiment requires the help of other people or the creation of a special space
    • Pay close attention to your internal experience—how are you reacting? What's going on with your body and your emotions?
    • Pay close attention to external reality—what's happening, as a result? What are the consequences of your actions and experiences?
  5. Digest the experience
    • Find a space to rest and relax, whether physical, mental, or both
    • Notice your feelings, and compare them to your original model of what this experience would mean or be like
    • Decide whether to continue/try again, or stop, taking extra care to ensure that you aren't forcing yourself into anything
    • Avoid overthinking—this is System 1's game, not System 2's

Literature

CoZE is the name in CFAR-related circles, whereas exposure therapy is the more generic name for this technique.

From Social Mishap Exposures for Social Anxiety Disorder: An Important Treatment Ingredient:

These avoidance tendencies, in turn, prevent patients from critically evaluating their feared outcomes and other catastrophic beliefs, leading to the maintenance and further exacerbation of the problem. Social mishap exposures directly target the patients’ exaggerated social cost by helping patients confront and experience the actual consequences of such mishaps without using any avoidance strategies.
the goal of the social mishap exposures is to purposely violate the patient’s perceived social norms and standards in order to break the self-reinforcing cycle of fearful anticipation and subsequent use of avoidance strategies. Patients are asked to intentionally create the feared negative consequences of a feared social situation. As a result, patients are forced to reevaluate the perceived threat of a social situation after experiencing that social mishaps do not lead to the feared long-lasting, irreversible, and negative consequences.
It is essential that patients refrain from avoidance or safety behaviors, such as apologizing, or any other behavior that might lessen the patients’ anxiety in the situation

Exercises

Exercises are focused on social interactions and split into easy, medium, and hard, with each section being very, very roughly sub-ordered (i.e., the easy section goes from very-easy to less-easy, but still not medium) by my opinion of both what I find/have found difficult to do and what I think others have difficulty doing. Exercises directly involving people can be made more difficult by having the person be more attractive or higher status.

Building both volume and diversity within an individual exercise can help to master it. Mastery is achieved when there is little to no hesitation performing the exercise.

Some exercises are borrowed. Sources are linked accordingly.

Easy

  1. Go out in a public place
  2. Go out in a popular, crowded public place (bar, club, restaurant, sports game)
  3. Make eye contact with a person
  4. Smile at a person
  5. Ring the bell on a bicycle to get through (source)
  6. Ask a person what time it is
  7. Comment on a post in a large online forum
  8. Comment on a post in a small online forum
  9. Call the waiter in a crowded restaurant (source)
  10. Call a close family member
  11. Call a close friend
  12. Call a distant family member
  13. Call a distant friend
  14. Disagree with a person
  15. Leave and re-enter a movie theater during the movie while seated in the middle of a row (source)
  16. Call a business to ask a question or place an order
  17. Ask a question during a work meeting (source)
  18. Cold email someone
  19. Publish a standalone post on a large online forum
  20. Publish a standalone post on a small online forum

Medium

  1. Delegate a task to a person
  2. Cold call someone
  3. Admit being wrong in private
  4. Admit being wrong in public
  5. Present at work (source)
  6. Ask for abnormal accommodations at a business (keeping a large water bottle at the table for self-refills, etc)
  7. Ask what tipping customs are when in a foreign country
  8. Send food back because it wasn't correct or is very poor quality
  9. Ask for things (cigarettes, lighter, money, borrow a phone)
  10. Sing in public (karaoke, on the street, etc)
  11. Dance in public
  12. Go to a foreign country without speaking the language well
  13. Compliment a person
  14. Walk backwards slowly in a crowded street for three minutes (source)
  15. Cold approach a person
  16. Ask a person playing music out loud or having a conversation on speaker to put headphones in or turn off speaker
  17. Ask multiple people in a specific and obvious location (e.g., right outside XXX Park, or a T stop) where to find that location (“Excuse me, I am looking for XXX Park”) (source)
  18. Wear a shirt backward and inside out and buttoned incorrectly in a crowded store (source)
  19. Dance or sing in the street or subway wearing attention-grabbing clothing (source)
  20. Recite “Twas the Night Before Christmas” in the subway platform (source)
  21. Approach group of people at bar or restaurant and ask if you can practice a best man’s toast (source)

Hard

  1. Tell someone at bookstore that you don’t know how to read and ask them if they can read the back cover to you (source)
  2. Ask a staff member in bookstore for their opinion about whether to buy the Kama Sutra or the Joy of Sex, have a long conversation about this, buy the books and then return them immediately (source)
  3. Enter a food establishment and interrupt people asking if they own a silver Camry because their car is being towed (source)
  4. Go to every table in a crowded restaurant asking for Joe Smith (source)
  5. Go to a fast food restaurant and only order water, then spill the water, clean it up, and stay in the restaurant (source)
  6. Go to a hotel. Have the patient conduct a long conversation with the concierge about romantic vacation packages (asking about in-room massages, arranging horse-drawn carriage ride, etc.), book a package, and then cancel for no reason except changing their mind (source)
  7. Pay for an embarrassing item with change, and then state that you don’t have enough and leave the store (source)
  8. Initiate conversations with/tell jokes to strangers in bookstore while wearing hair in a side ponytail with bandages on face (source)
  9. Attend a multi-level marketing pitch and saying no
  10. Cold approach and flirt with a person
  11. Cold approach and flirt with a person with the intention of getting their contact information
  12. Go to a random person's house and ask if you can cook them dinner in their house
  13. Go to a foreign country without speaking the language at all
  14. Perform stand-up comedy

See Also