Make decisions that risk livelihood if not completed.
Discipline V: Non-zero-Sum Efforts
I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference.
Decisions points can at times provide two options: A or B. A is the easy option, the cop out, the blue pill that reveals nothing and provides a false sense of success upon completion. B is the challenging option, the rewarding option, the red pill that tests limits and reveals what one can or cannot do. Within option B exists a spectrum of risk, from mere uncomfortableness to life-threatening to career-ending. These vary by both circumstance and the level of commitment one is willing to offer. Risk is determined by circumstance and commitment is determined by risk.
Making high-risk decisions forces a level of commitment, execution, and follow-through to be had. If the consequence is great enough, the mind, body, and spirit will do what they need to to make sure the task is completed.
Option B examples include:
The decision has been made—the grave dug—and there's no going back. Suffering is guaranteed for all activities regardless of associated risk, but success is not. Anyone may fail in any of these scenarios, but everyone's going to work hard to ensure their livelihood isn't destroyed.
A primal instinct kicks in when the realization of "I may not make it" sets in. The end result is uncertain, and while the path required to get there may also be undefined, both direction and intensity are within one's control, effectively defining the path.
The series of events leading up to the decision is the digging, while the decision itself determines if one will get inside, get buried, and have to claw and fight and climb out, or if they will simply step over and continue on with their lives. As said earlier, getting in, getting buried, and getting out is revealing. One's capacity for work and pain is revealed in full and a renewed sense of confidence in ability is found. What was once thought too difficult, if not impossible, is suddenly possible. Where is the new upper bound? How much further can one go with the threat of death or ruin constantly hanging above their head? How much more pain can be tolerated to avoid death? Stepping over the grave reveals one to be risk averse and not interested in gaining more self-knowledge.
One of Duncan Sabien's comments put into words something I have thought about for a long time:
The concept that some things exist beyond an event horizon.
For example, you can only find out what it's like after death by dying, and you can't come back. For many people, opiates like heroin are a permanent shift, and there's no undoing the shift; some recovered addicts report that it takes active effort every day for the rest of their lives.
If your son doesn't yet get that some things can only be learned about or understood as a result of crossing a line that can't be uncrossed, then it's going to be hard to even talk about the potential danger.
Option Bs are often semi-permanent shifts, a new understanding about what's possible and what's not. Discipline is required in continuing to choose B over A, lest the lessons learned from B may slowly be forgotten over continual option As. Confidence decreases as one starts to question "am I really able to do it this time?" or "last success was a fluke".
Stop playing it safe. Get exposed to different types of risk and learn to deal with the pressure. Make promises that may not be fulfillable. Reach for goals that inflict pain when not achieved.
Dig graves.