Is losing a friend the same as them dying?
I came very close to losing, or at least severely damaging, my oldest friendship. My life flashed before my eyes both before and during the fateful discussion. All the memories I had made with them played across the movie projector that were my eyes, forcing nostalgia down my throat and tears into my eyes. We had grown up together since a young age, calling each other best friends almost immediately after meeting each other and practically ever since. Our families grew close, taking care of each other as needed when times were rough and appreciating each other when times were fruitful and merry.
Yet here I was, standing on the edge of a precipice, knowing that if I drop in I might not be able to make it back, that the relationship would be forever altered. The choice was clear, the risk palpable, the dread overbearing, the memories vivid, the pain overbearing.
A question crossed my mind as I practiced the conversation to myself: is losing a friend the same as them dying?
In some ways, yes. There is no more talking, no more memories to be made, nothing. It all ends in that moment. While memories and pictures and the way they contributed and formed your life remain, their presence doesn't. They are effectively a ghost, their spirit haunting future you about what could have been.
But in other ways, no. You can still wish them the best despite no longer being friends, whether that be due to drifting apart over time or a rough break-up. You can still view their social media and see they're doing well. You can still know their family is happy due to their presence, even if you aren't.
What about the friend that cuts everything to the point you have no idea how they're doing? This is much closer to death, but we have a tendency to hope for the best, to make up stories and visions where the unknown situation one is in is one of happiness and contentment.
Here's to all the people I don't talk to anymore for whatever reason. I hope you're doing well.